You are here: Home / Dads

Love the One You’re With: Bonding with Your Baby During Pregnancy

February 13, 2013 By Cara Terreri Leave a Comment

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day! If you’re pregnant, you have a new valentine to consider this year. And while your little one won’t be looking for flowers or chocolate, there are ways you can begin to bond with your baby even before he or she (or they!) arrive. The following are tips compiled and excerpted from a Lamaze.org article on bonding with baby.

 

Take it slow. “Bonding” refers to the feelings of love and empathy that parents develop for their children. The bond you feel with your baby isn’t instantaneous; it will grow slowly yet steadily over the months of pregnancy until the day you meet your child and begin life as a family.

 

Write it down. It’s very normal to experience fears and concerns during your pregnancy. It’s important to give yourself space to deal with your fears in a way that works for you. Write in a journal or draw pictures of what’s going through your head. Share your concerns with your partner, as well as with your friends, pregnant or not. Expressing your thoughts will help you deal with them and accept your child into your life.

 

Double the love. If your partner feels removed from your pregnancy, help him with this simple exercise. Have him put his hand on your abdomen, and when he feels movement or when you tell him you sense the baby, have him say, “Hello, baby.” If he does this a few times a day for a week or two, he’ll feel more connected to both of you. Pretty soon, the baby may even kick his hand at the sound of your partner’s voice.

 

Take heart. If you have a hard time connecting emotionally with your baby during your pregnancy, it’s OK. Your body will continue to nourish and protect your baby even if your heart isn’t quite there yet. And more than likely, once your baby is born or shortly after, you will develop a close and connected relationship that will be like none other.

 

In what ways did you bond with your baby during pregnancy? Did you have a difficult time bonding? Share your comments for other moms to read — your words may reach someone who’s in need of encouragement!

 

Filed Under Bonding, Dads, Featured Story, Pregnancy Tagged With bonding

Breastfeeding & Parenting: One Family’s Experience

January 28, 2013 By admin 2 Comments

By Lauralee Moss

Creative Commons photo by Raphael GoetterColds and the flu always surrounded my poor babies. Before I stayed home with them, I taught high school language arts. My students gave their nasty germs to me, and even though I nursed my children, they still got “lighter” versions of my illnesses. Seeing sick babies is always difficult for me, but it’s even more tough with a nursling who struggles to latch with a stuffed nose.

My husband and I created a routine to make nursing a sick baby easier: I showered and dressed before work, and then he showered. Only about five minutes into his time, I handed him a small towel and an infant. The warm water and steam rinsed off goopy eyes and cleared stuffy noses. Daddy finished showering, and I nursed a relaxed and latch-able baby.

I no longer teach, but my older two children are in school and bring home germs to the baby. We continue our routine, as he still volunteers to shower the baby if the tiny nose stuffs up again.

This seemingly small task makes my nursing life easier, as does all of my husband’s help. Nursing is an important, but fractional part of our larger parenting work. I may do the actual, physical feeding, but their father provides indispensable support as I nurse.

I’ve heard friends make the argument that by formula-feeding, they are not the only ones responsible for feeding — that the father will bond with the baby and will do “just as much work” as the mom.

In our family, we have found ways, apart from feeding, for my husband to bond with our babies. Showering tiny sick ones is just one of those ways. He lifted our babies’ tiny arms to wake them when they fell asleep at the breast. He carefully positioned them around my cesarean section incision for more comfortable nursing. He remembered advice from the lactation consultants and pediatrician as I sat in a new-mom daze. He helped me cover myself with a blanket as I ventured out as a new mother. As I grew in my confidence, he stood beside me as I publicly breastfed without a cover. He has listened to me discuss my breastfeeding theories and observations and defended me when family members questioned why I was still feeding our baby “on the boob.” When others question why I didn’t start feeding our first baby solids at four months, he quoted the American Academy of Pediatrics and World Health Organization statements about breastfeeding for six months.

Now that I nurse our third child, he provides healthy answers for our older two children when they ask: “How does the milk come out? Where does the milk go? Why does Cara not drink from a bottle? I want to see the MILK!” Most importantly, when my impressionable son asked why I nurse the baby, my husband said, “Because that is how it is supposed to be.”

Normalizing the process for the next generation — acting as a role model for a son — is important work. My husband has defended, physically helped, and mentally supported my breastfeeding. He does it all, not because he came to our parenting relationship as an outspoken breastfeeding advocate, but because we parent the best way we know how, and we do that together.

We have always seen breastfeeding as a part of parenting — and we parent together. I supply the food for a tiny fraction of our children’s lives. He has at least seventeen years to feed our babies.  I have breasts for food — he has big bear shoulders for the kids to ride around the house. Together, we provide both the physical and mental nourishment for our children.

 

Lauralee Moss lives in Illinois with her husband, three children, and crazy dog. She writes at switchingclassrooms.com.

Filed Under Dads, Featured Story, Feeding, Parenting Tagged With breastfeeding

Bonding with Baby Now

November 28, 2012 By admin Leave a Comment

By Phyllis Klaus, MFT, CSW

As with pregnancy, bonding with baby develops over time. It, too, is a process that, with your care and attention, will deepen and progress with each passing day. Do you remember when you learned you were pregnant? Surely it was a deeply emotional moment. A second before, you were responsible for yourself and a second after you were forever linked to a new being growing inside you. The bond you feel with your baby isn’t as instantaneous; it will grow slowly yet steadily over these months of pregnancy until the day you meet your child and begin life as a family.

“Bonding” refers to the feelings of love and empathy that parents develop for their children. During pregnancy, sometimes that love is manifested in the form of dreams and fears about your baby and future as a mother. Positive, loving dreams can help you connect with your little one, but fearful ones can diminish your confidence about your baby’s health or your own capabilities. Let your health-care provider worry about your baby’s health. Then give yourself space to deal with your other fears in a way that works for you. Write in a journal or draw pictures of what’s going through your head. Share your concerns with your partner, as well as with your girlfriends, pregnant or not. Expressing your thoughts will help you deal with them and accept your child into your life.

Another way to begin bonding with baby is to send him loving messages. During a quite moment, put your hands on your abdomen and send happy thoughts and energy to the baby: how excited you are to meet him, what you plan to do when he arrives, how you can’t wait to have him as part of your family. Many women say this activity makes them less anxious and worried about their pregnancy.

The Power Of Your Partner

Your partner is a major factor in how you feel about your baby. If your partner is excited about your pregnancy, watches over you, protects you and takes care of you, you will likely feel closer to your child. But if your partner is unhappy or hesitant, then you may have doubts and worries too.

Your partner may be nervous about being a dad because he’s unhappy with how he was parented or his own childhood. That’s why now is a good time to talk to him about how each of you grew up, both the good and the bad. Discuss what kind of relationship you had with your parents. You don’t just have to start a conversation out of the blue; wait until a situation presents itself. Your friends might tell you they don’t have a set bedtime for their toddler, or you may see a couple in the supermarket letting their child select a sugary cereal. Use these incidents as starting points for conversations; discuss how your parents handled such issues and what you would do with your own child. By talking about your upbringing, you can establish a unified front on how you will raise your kids and address any fears that your partner may have about being a parent.

You should also discuss your feelings about the baby, how he has and will alter your life. When you and your partner can talk freely about the many changes that a baby will bring to your relationship, finances and lifestyle, you can continue to support each other and see the baby as enhancing your life instead of disrupting it.

If your partner feels removed from your pregnancy, help him with this simple exercise. Have him put his hand on your abdomen, and when he feels movement or when you tell him you sense the baby, have him say, “Hello, baby.” If he does this a few times a day for a week or two, he’ll feel more connected to both of you. Pretty soon, the baby may even kick his hand at the sound of your partner’s voice.

Your child was conceived out of deep love. That’s why bonding with baby doesn’t have to wait until she’s born: It really starts the moment that you find out you are pregnant, and it continues throughout your pregnancy. Not only is it a way for you to get closer to your child, it will also help you grow closer to your partner. And becoming an even more solid couple will help prepare you for your newly bestowed title: parents.

Filed Under Dads, Featured Story, Newborn, Parenting, Pregnancy Tagged With bonding

Lamaze Care Practices: What They Are & How They Can Help

October 17, 2012 By Cara Terreri 2 Comments

Common sense tells us and research confirms that the Six Lamaze Healthy Birth Practices featured in these video clips and print materials are tried-and-true ways to make birth as safe and healthy as possible. But don’t take our word for it — click through to watch each of the short clips to learn more about safe & healthy birth and how best to achieve it, no matter where you give birth.

Introduction: Safe and Healthy Birth Practice - Download PDF

#1: Let Labor Begin on Its Own - Download PDF

#2: Walk, Move & Change Positions - Download PDF

#3: Have Continuous Support - Download PDF

#4: Avoid Unnecessary Interventions - Download PDF

#5: Get Upright & Follow Urges to Push - Download PDF

#6: Keep Your Baby With You - Download PDF

Download the complete booklet here.

Lamaze International partnered with InJoy Productions and their new Mother’s Advocate program to provide you with this free, evidence-based educational material.

Filed Under Birth, Coping with pain, Dads, Featured Story, Healthy Birth Practice, Hospital Birth, Labor, Parenting, Skin-to-Skin, Support Tagged With Healthy Birth Practices

8 Essential Tips for Birth Partners

October 15, 2012 By Cara Terreri 1 Comment
  1. Support is a key element to a woman having a positive birth and postpartum experience. As a birth partner, identify the resources you have for informational, emotional and physical backup early on.
  2. As you learn more about the process of birth, you will discover your strengths in offering support, and you can decide how you want to contribute to the birth of this child. Will you be the primary support, work more with the other team members or be by the mother’s side with your full love and support while others do the hands-on work? A birth partner can serve in any manner that helps the laboring woman, so be comfortable, even joyful, in whatever role you both agree upon.
  3. Whether you decide to actively work with the mother or just shower her with love, simply being present makes a difference. The birth partner is usually the one member of the team who best knows her desires and can interpret her cues and express her wishes to others. Your personal history with the laboring woman is something the rest of the team doesn’t have.
  4. In order to care for a mother in labor, you must also care for yourself. Eating and drinking during labor will give you the energy you need. Wear comfortable clothes and let the doula or nurse care for your partner while you take an occasional break.
  5. Ask questions. Unless you are birthing at home, you are in an unfamiliar setting surrounded by unfamiliar people. A doula can help you get the attention of the health-care provider so that you are heard.
  6. Be prepared to experience some strong emotions. Often, a birth partner is so absorbed in supporting the mother and remaining strong that he or she is surprised by the powerful feelings of love and awe that accompany seeing this incredible woman go through birth.
  7. You and the mother may have the most familiar voices to the infant. When you talk to the baby, he experiences a feeling of calmness that has a positive effect on his transition to the outside world. Stroking him will also reduce stress hormones and improve his breathing and temperature regulation.
  8. The postpartum period is a mix of joyous and difficult moments. The unpredictability of each day and getting to know your baby can sometimes make for a challenging situation.
  9. After the excitement of birth dies down a bit, enjoy quiet time with the mother and baby, and delight in the miracle of birth and the part you played.
Filed Under Birth, Dads, Featured Story, Support Tagged With Birth, labor support

Fathers and PTSD

August 8, 2012 By Walker Karraa, MFA, MA, CD(DONA) Leave a Comment

 

This article is part of the Traumatic Birth Prevention & Resource Guide by PATTCh. Access the complete guide to learn more about traumatic birth and find resources for women and families.

By Walker Karraa, MFA, MA, CD(DONA)

A 2012 study published in the Archives of Disease in Childhood: Fetal Neonatal Edition contributes to the growing awareness that partners are negatively impacted by traumatic childbirth. The first study of its kind, “Being there: a qualitative interview study with fathers present during the resuscitation of their baby at delivery” (Harvey & Pattison, 2012) is a retrospective analysis of semi-structured interviews with 20 fathers who had witnessed the resuscitation of their baby immediately following delivery. While small in number, this study sheds invaluable light on the experience of fathers in the presence of trauma in childbirth.

Semi-structured, private interviews were audiotaped with consent, and the transcripts were analyzed for thematic content using the NVIVO-7 software in sequence. Analysis generated four themes (1) ‘preparation’; (2) ‘knowing what happened’; (3) ‘his response’; and (4) ‘impact on him’ (Harvey & Pattison, 2012, p. F2).

 

Theme One: “Preparation”

While over half of the fathers (n =12) had been given information prenatally regarding potential causes and instances for neonatal admission for their baby, none of the fathers had  been given information about newborn resuscitation. Fathers did not realize before birth that their baby might require this level of support at delivery, and most were only told by health care professionals (HCP) immediately before the birth that their baby would require resuscitation, if at all. Information was often vague, not forthcoming, or overheard and second-hand.

 

Theme Two: “Knowing What Happened”

The majority of fathers were unaware of the type of resuscitation given at time of interview, were unaware at the time, and had not been subsequently told. Contributing factors to the theme of not knowing what happened were his position in the room, and not having asked HCP directly what was happening during or after the event. Most fathers did not view the resuscitation due to obstructed view, or being focused on partner. When fathers attempted to stand up to see the baby, they were told to sit down. Those who did posed questions went unanswered, and still other fathers only learned about what was happening through cross-conversation among staff. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

 

Theme Three: “His Response”

Themes of conflict between partner and baby emerged from the father’s experience.  All fathers expressed doubt regarding their focus of concern, their partner or their baby. Many fathers reported that they thought either or both would die. In the interviews themselves, recalling the event caused fathers to become visibly upset. One father stopped the interview process momentarily during this line of inquiry.

Continued distress occurred for fathers regarding the conflict of whether to stay with partner or go to their baby being resuscitated. Most reported wanting to go to their baby, but felt they should stay with partner for reassurance. In some cases, staff contributed to this conflict by telling fathers to stay put. A variety of coping strategies were employed by fathers to endure the event—but most commonly emotional-controlling strategies were used, where they avoided looking at the baby, tried not to think about what was happening, leaving the room, or self-reassurance that there would be a positive outcome.

 

Theme Five: “Impact on Him”

  • There was general lack of memory of the event. While none reported regretting being there, all fathers reported feelings associated with the birth in terms such as: worried, distressed, petrified, scared, panic-stricken.
  • None of the fathers reported feeling supported from HCP’s during resuscitation
  • The majority of fathers who wanted to discuss their experience with someone after did not do so.
  • None of the fathers were given an opportunity to discuss the event with HCP’s afterward
  • Some reported symptoms of post-traumatic stress such as flashbacks, nightmares, agitation and hyper vigilance.

 

Conclusion and Discussion

The authors concluded:

“There is a growing awareness that meeting the needs of fathers facilitates their involvement in the lives of their children. Supporting fathers before, during and after newborn resuscitation could be a step towards achieving this.” (Harvey & Pattison, 2012, p. F5).

Hopefully this study will generate increased awareness the largely overlooked partners’ experience of traumatic events in childbirth.

Resource

Harvey, M., & Pattison H. (2012). Being there: a qualitative interview study with fathers present during the resuscitation of their baby at delivery. Archives of Disease in Childhood: Fetal Neonatal Edition Arch Dis Child Fetal Neonatal Ed (2012). doi:10.1136/archdischild-F2 of F5 2011-301482.

 

Walker Karraa is a doctoral student at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. She is a birth doula, maternal mental health advocate, and researcher. She currently writes for the Lamaze research blog, Science and Sensibility. She presents at conferences, trainings, and organizational retreats pertaining to perinatal psychology, postpartum mood disorders, childbirth education, and labor support. Walker also is the President of PATTCh, a not-for-profit dedicated to the prevention and treatment of traumatic childbirth.

 

 

 

PATTCh is a not-for-profit, multidisciplinary organization dedicated to the prevention and treatment of traumatic childbirth. Our mission is to develop cross-disciplinary relationships, research, and programs that:

  • prevent PTSD following childbirth through education, interdisciplinary collaboration, and multidisciplinary research;
  • educate perinatal care providers and paraprofessionals in the prevention and treatment of birth and reproduction related trauma;
  • encourage the development of culturally appropriate therapeutic approaches to post-traumatic stress symptoms following childbirth;
  • promote healthy birth practices for all women and families;
  • promote evidence-based research regarding PTSD secondary to childbirth;
  • increase global awareness of the prevalence, risk factors, and effects of PTSD secondary to childbirth; and
  • support collaboration and understanding among all stake-holders, including: researchers, policy makers, medical and mental health care providers, educators, community members, volunteers, women, and families.

 

Filed Under Dads, Featured Story, Traumatic Birth Prevention & Resource Guide Tagged With Traumatic Birth Prevention & Resource Guide

10 Questions for a Partner of PTSD Survivor

July 18, 2012 By Cara Terreri 2 Comments

 

This article is part of the Traumatic Birth Prevention & Resource Guide by PATTCh. Access the complete guide to learn more about traumatic birth and find resources for women and families.

By Walker Karraa, MFA, MA, CD(DONA), President PATTCh

This is an interview I did with my husband, Tony. His perspective on the events of my traumatic birth and subsequent PTSD speak to the impact of these issues on partners, but is not a statement of suggested treatment. It is an honest snapshot of a partner’s experience of birth trauma and his partner’s PTSD, hopefully shedding light on recovery from traumatic birth and reclaiming life post trauma.

 

Were you aware of the PTSD in my birth?

I think that my first clue that something was beginning to happen was during labor. It was specifically during transition that I noticed a slow but clear change in your presence. It appeared as though you began to dissociate from not only me but the world, as if your body had been left behind to experience the rest of the experience without you. It changed after we were home with the baby but for me, that was the moment it began.

 

When did you realize something was wrong?

I knew something was wrong right away. But I didn’t realize the extent of the problem. I kept thinking it would get better. But instead it got worse. I didn’t know where mild baby blues ended and where postpartum depression began. Nor did I have any information on how to get help.

 

What was that experience like for you?

Extraordinarily frightening. I didn’t know what was happening during labor. We were so connected as a couple and it began to shift in a way that was very scary. Once the full force of the PPD began to level itself in our lives in the first few weeks of being home with the baby, I felt confused and helpless and I was experiencing extreme anxiety. When you passed out from lack of sleep and fell to the floor behind me as I was holding the baby, my anxiety changed to terror.

 

What would you do differently now that you know about postpartum depression?

I would have reached out immediately to health care professionals for help. I would have encouraged formula feeding and weaning of breastfeeding right away to facilitate more ease of movement for you to be away from the baby for treatment or even just a break. I would have encouraged proper prescribed medication under the guidance of a psychiatrist to begin to ease the terrible burdens of the disease. It is so difficult to remember how helpless I felt and how under the influence I was of all the media hype about breastfeeding and bonding. That really affected my ability to act

 

What surprised you about my PTSD and postpartum depression?

The insomnia. I was used to seeing depression and how it affected your daily life due to your chronic condition, but the affects of the insomnia were devastating.

 

What scared you the most?

The scariest thing was the constant fear that you may try to hurt yourself.

 

What advice would you give a partner?

To act quickly. To know that no matter what the level of depression, anxiety or insomnia your partner is experiencing, they should be seen by a health care professional and there are lots of options.

 

What do you think women need most if they have PTSD following birth?

They need people in their lives who are willing to acknowledge it for what it is and are willing to be there with them no matter how scary it is.  They also need good professional medical care as quickly as possible. Whether it is therapy or medication, they need to be under the care of a professional. They also need to know that they are not permanently damaging their baby and that they can take time away during the day or night, whenever possible, for a break.

 

How did you see the interaction with our son?

I was worried about him a lot at first.  Not just because of your depression but also because of my own stress and anxiety. I was very afraid that it would affect him adversely. But having watched him grow and mature over the last ten years, I am completely convinced that having the treatment that you finally did receive, starting around his third month of life was an invaluable change in the dynamic between the three of us. It was not all smooth sailing after that but it continued to improve because of it. I shudder to think of what might of happen, had you not found and accepted the treatments of the wonderful therapist and psychiatrists that first saw you.

 

How did you see the interaction with our son?

I was worried about him a lot at first.  Not just because of your depression but also because of my own stress and anxiety. I was very afraid that it would affect him adversely. But having watched him grow and mature over the last ten years, I am completely convinced that having the treatment that you finally did receive, starting around his third month of life, was an invaluable change in the dynamic between the three of us. It was not all smooth sailing after that but it continued to improve because of it. I shudder to think of what might have happened, had you not found and accepted the treatments of the wonderful therapist and psychiatrists that first saw you.

 

How did the next pregnancy and birth of our daughter differ?

Everything was different, but for me, the most notable difference was choosing to be open to bottle feed with formula from the start. That gave you a much greater sense of freedom. You were able to be away without the constant fear that the baby would starve without you. I can’t recommend that enough to other parents. I know it goes against the conventional wisdom of the day regarding breastfeeding. But in my humble opinion (which is grounded in personal experience) they are flat out wrong. Our daughter is attached, loving, kind, deeply in touch with emotions and easily able to connect to others. Not to mention she is flipping brilliant (state test score fact…not merely a parental opinion) and she was bottle fed from infancy.  And once you were diagnosed with breast cancer when she was only 7 months old, we were able to transition her so easily. You just never know what is going to happen—and having that option saved our lives.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Final Thoughts

Trauma impacts everyone, and the experience of trauma subjective — in the eye of the beholder, the person experiencing an event as traumatic. This is true for partners and care providers as well.  The perception of sudden, life-threatening circumstances by partners in the birth room merit deeper understanding. Neurological dynamics, and biological responses to trauma perception are on the forefront of much of the trauma research today. And champions in the field are asking the important questions about the effect of birth trauma on partners. And PATTCh will continue to promote ongoing discussions, symposia, and opportunities to share this research. We have a lot to learn.

Preventing the occurence of traumatic birth experiences, through consideration of risk factors for both parents is key. Partners in the military, law enforcement, with a history of trauma or interpersonal violence deserve to be considered with respect in the birth room, and birth process. Support in both information from qualified professional, and instrumental support during birth and at home during postpartum period are necessary for partners to understand the normal range of emotions and what to do if they or their partner experience symptoms of distress beyond that range.

More information on PTSD can be found on the PATTCh Resource Support page.

Disclaimer: Tony’s experience, and feelings regarding treatment, and bottle/formula feeding are his, and should not be misunderstood to be those of the Board of PATTCh.

 

Walker Karraa is  a doctoral student at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. She is a birth doula, maternal mental health advocate, and researcher. She currently writes for the Lamaze research blog, Science and Sensibility. She presents at conferences, trainings, and organizational retreats pertaining to perinatal psychology, postpartum mood disorders, childbirth education, and labor support. Walker also is the President of PATTCh, a not-for-profit dedicated to the prevention and treatment of traumatic childbirth.

 

 

PATTCh is a not-for-profit, multidisciplinary organization dedicated to the prevention and treatment of traumatic childbirth. Our mission is to develop cross-disciplinary relationships, research, and programs that:

  • prevent PTSD following childbirth through education, interdisciplinary collaboration, and multidisciplinary research;
  • educate perinatal care providers and paraprofessionals in the prevention and treatment of birth and reproduction related trauma;
  • encourage the development of culturally appropriate therapeutic approaches to post-traumatic stress symptoms following childbirth;
  • promote healthy birth practices for all women and families;
  • promote evidence-based research regarding PTSD secondary to childbirth;
  • increase global awareness of the prevalence, risk factors, and effects of PTSD secondary to childbirth; and
  • support collaboration and understanding among all stake-holders, including: researchers, policy makers, medical and mental health care providers, educators, community members, volunteers, women, and families.

 

Filed Under Dads, Featured Story, Parenting, Post-partum depression, Postpartum, Traumatic Birth Prevention & Resource Guide Tagged With postpartum depression, PTSD, Traumatic Birth Prevention & Resource Guide

Fathers Play a Key Role in a Safe and Healthy Birth

June 15, 2012 By admin 1 Comment

When it comes to childbirth, popular media often love to portray fathers as helpless and incompetent during labor and birth. When labor starts, the mother-to-be calmly manages her contractions as the dad sets into a panic, leaving behind the pre-packed bag, taking a wrong turn to the hospital, or running the halls searching for a nurse.

In reality, dads often play a critical role in supporting mothers during pregnancy and birth and advocating for safe care. As Father’s Day approaches, Lamaze International wants expectant dads to know that childbirth education goes a long way when it comes to learning how to be the most helpful, from the moment they find out they’re expecting through the first contraction and beyond.

Cherington Shucker and Darin Gehrke of New York welcomed their first child earlier this year and talked about their experience in Lamaze’s Push for Your Baby video, “Parents Push”: www.Lamaze.org/pushforyourbaby-video. Both agreed that Darin’s participation in childbirth education classes enabled him to take an active, positive role in the delivery of their child.

“To help ease the pain of childbirth, I was able to support Cherington in using various types of pain-relief techniques,” said Gehrke. “We knew in advance that there were many natural options to find greater comfort, and it was especially important for us to avoid any unneeded medical interventions that could lead us down the road to a cesarean birth.”

The importance of fathers advocating for the best care is underscored by persistent and growing gaps in the quality of care women and babies often receive. A recent report by Consumer Reports says, too often, unnecessary medical interventions are used in birth, increasing risks to mothers and babies.i For example, unnecessary cesarean births can come with unintended health consequences for mom and baby, including breathing problems for baby or complications in future pregnancies for mom. One recent study published in the Archives of Disease in Childhood even suggests that babies born by cesarean may have about twice the risk of becoming obese as infants delivered vaginally.ii

Other interventions pose challenges to the health of moms and babies too, including early induction (performed before 39 weeks of pregnancy), epidurals and electronic fetal monitoring.

“Dads can play a key role early on in pregnancy to help mom and baby get the care that’s safest and healthiest,” said Lamaze President-elect Tara Owens Shuler, MEd, CD(DONA), LCCE, FACCE, Director of Continuing Education, Special Projects, and Lamaze Childbirth Educator Program for the Duke AHEC Program. “He’s a very important advocate, and can provide emotional support for mom throughout labor and birth.”

Here are five tips to help dads prepare for and provide support through pregnancy, labor and birth:

1) Take a childbirth education class with your partner. The benefits of a good childbirth education class can often be overlooked. A class can help dads, and other support people, learn about the different options and interventions, and get the tools and knowledge to push for the best care during pregnancy, labor and birth. It can also spark the conversation between and among couples, so you can learn from one another and interact with other expectant parents in your shoes.

2) Work with mom to plan. Talk things through with one another and with your care provider. Chances are greater for a positive birth outcome if support begins early on in pregnancy. Discuss the different options for a safe and healthy birth, and map a pathway to get there. Labor and birth can be a dynamic process so it’s vital to work with mom to create Plan A, Plan B and Plan C.

3) Learn how to be an advocate for mom. Birth is an intense process, emotionally and physically. It’s important for dads to be informed and know how to advocate for her wishes. She may come under pressure from family members or healthcare providers and the father’s voice is important in pushing for the safest, healthiest care.

4) Find out about techniques to help minimize the pain. There are many natural ways, such as relaxation, to find greater comfort in childbirth and help labor progress. Every woman is unique and has her own ways of feeling safe, comfortable and relaxed. Whether she uses a hot shower or bath, hip squeezes and pressure points, or birth ball exercises, dads can help mom identify the pain-relief tools that are best suited for her individual needs.

5) Be prepared to welcome baby into the world (and help mom recover). Birth can be exhausting for both mom and baby, and dad can help to support both after birth. He can help mom by managing visitor times, rocking baby to sleep after feeding, and making sure mom is fed and gets enough rest.

Expectant dads can find out even more at www.PushForYourBaby.com.

Filed Under Dads, Featured Story, Push for Your Baby Tagged With Dads, Push for Your Baby

Blog Carnival Round-up: What Did Your Doula Do for You?

October 14, 2011 By Cara Terreri 4 Comments

Thank you to everyone for submitting your beautiful and touching stories of birth and doulas at work. For those of you reading who have had a doula for your birth, the following details will resonate and bring back wonderful memories. For those considering hiring a doula, read closely — you may be surprised to learn the many roles that doulas play.

Most of the entries submitted answered two basic questions: Why hire a doula; and What does a doula do during pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period? It’s a long post, but well worth the read!

Why Did You Hire a Doula?

Alisa Harrison, who blogs at The Juggling Matriarch, hired a doula for her first birth, but not her second — and she wishes she would have. In reflecting on her second birth, which ended in cesarean surgery, she says: “I could have really used someone who was there only for me—not for my baby, just for me.  Who had nothing more invested in the scenario than to support and help me.  Who wasn’t watching monitors or checking dilation or recommending any procedures, but who would have been watching my face and hearing my voice, doing laps around the hospital with me and my husband, or maybe urging me to stop doing laps, stop trying so hard to make things happen and instead just look me in the eye and help me experience each moment for the moment it was.  Who knows what a doula might have been able to help me do?”

Sophie Messager, who sent in her story of planned hospital birth turned planned home birth, knew how a doula could help her during birth: “I wanted to have a doula because, although I wanted a hospital birth, I was very conscious of the fact that being looked after by midwives that you had not even met before was not a good setting to make you feel relaxed. I understood how stress could affect the progress of labour.”

A common thread among women with positive doula experiences (myself included) is the added confidence she brings. Ramya Ram, a Lamaze Certified Childbirth Educator, says of her VBAC: “It was my second pregnancy, but I was about to face something for the first time… a vaginal birth. In spite of changing my doctor at 34 weeks, having people around me who encouraged me for a VBAC, the one lady who I looked upon with confidence was Barrie Glasscock, my doula.”

Sometimes, partners aren’t as convinced that hiring a doula is necessary. Ed Reese, guest blogger at Bloom Spokane, explains: “[Men] don’t like paying extra. We also know childbirth is very expensive. To many fathers-to-be, a doula just isn’t needed. It’s the equivalent of buying the warranty—and we never get the warranty.” But as Ed later found, their doula made a difference: “We were able to make several requests (with Katie’s help) that made labor and delivery more comfortable for Tine, and ultimately helped her achieve a natural birth. It also took a huge weight off of my shoulders.”

Similar to the misconceptions I experienced when telling others about my doula, Karen Goldstein wasn’t clear on a doula’s role: “When I first started thinking about my birth plan, I did not consider a doula mainly because I did not think it was an option if I chose to deliver my baby in a hospital. I know other women who were under the same impression.”

And for some women, hiring a doula is a result of peer influence, like Melissa, who said: “One of my best friends talked me into hiring a doula for my first (and so far only) birth and I’m so glad I did! I’d never even heard of a doula before my friend had one.”

Jamie Parker knew she wanted the assistance of a doula to assist her with natural birth, but had a hard time with the cost. She sought the help of Doulas Care, a service in her area that matches doulas who volunteer their services to low-income families.

How Did Your Doula Help?

As you’ll read below, doulas do more than assist women through birth. As it turns out, doulas help expectant families throughout pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.

In addition to a good childbirth class, doulas can provide solid, evidence-based information to help women in their decision-making process. Karen Mabe says, “My doula, Tequita Williamson, helped guide me through the slew of decisions leading up to my birth by answering my million-and-a-half questions and providing resources to help me achieve the unmedicated birth I wanted.”

Sophie, who described herself as “very scared of childbirth,” found her doula helpful earlier on in her pregnancy: “At one stage [in my pregnancy] when I was feeling overwhelmed, she lent me Ina May Gaskin’s book Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth.  That was a turning point for me.”

Similarly, Karen Goldstein’s doula helped change her perspective on childbirth: “[My doula] relayed the simple yet powerful message to ‘trust my body.’ Many of the resources I had until that point seemed to direct my focus on ‘overcoming’ the birth experience. Her approach had a different effect on me. It was the first time I felt confident about the pregnancy and delivery process and my role in it.”

Sometimes, a doula can take the place of a partner who is unable to attend your birth, as in Elizabeth’s case: “My doula was the best thing that could have helped me during the delivery of my child. My husband was deployed and I was dilating very early, along with having to deal with a toddler at home. She was the one thing that made me feel that I could make it through.”

When it comes to early labor vs. active labor, a doula is an excellent guide for when it’s time to go to the hospital — and when it’s not, as in Ed’s experience: ”As I was prepping the car for a hasty get-a-way to the hospital, [my wife] called Katie to talk about what she was feeling. Katie quickly determined that it wasn’t time yet. Sure enough, the contractions stopped after about an hour and we were able to spend one last Saturday night playing cards with our friends before Mac was born. Her insight kept us from going to the hospital too soon.”

Alisa’s doula was pivotal in helping her avoid routine interventions at the hospital: “At one point, she poked me in the shoulder hard enough to jar me to reality, just long enough for me to hear her say, ‘Your doctor is going to cut you.  Your birth plan says you don’t want an episiotomy.’ In that brief moment of clarity, I sat straight up, told my doctor, ‘Do not cut me.’ And she didn’t.”

Jen, a doula herself who blogs at Twisting Willows, describes how her doula supported her husband: “I often run into the perception that a doula will intrude on a birth or take over the father’s support role in the birth, but mine gave me back my husband. Upon her arrival she took over all the tedium so he could give me that physical contact I needed. She gave him a quick refresher course in counter pressure so he could apply it.”

Jen’s doula was also instrumental in the immediate postpartum during her home birth: “After the delivery, she, along with other parts of my birth team and my mother, made most of the evidence that I had just had a baby in my living room disappear before most of the family appeared. To top it all off, my wonderful doula even cooked us dinner before she headed out.”

Karen Mabe also describes her doula’s help after birth: “While my husband was off seeing to our daughter in the nursery, Tequita came to our room with me. She also made the bed in our room for my husband – I gave birth after midnight – and stayed with me until he returned.”

Doulas are well known for being an ally in long labors, as Sophie describes: “My labour was long (32 hours) and it was hard work and it was painful. But I never felt scared. Maddie’s support was wonderful: she made me feel cared for and safe.  She also helped [my husband] to support me.  There is something about a woman’s support in labour, particularly when she has had children herself, that is irreplaceable.”

A doula can also provide support in an unexpected complication, as in Jamie’s situation: “And when my uterus wouldn’t contract and I was bleeding out, she held my hand and stroked my forehead as my husband watched over our new baby.”

And of course, the practical comfort measures during birth are what doulas are best known for:

“I had back labor and she applied the valuable tool of Double Hip Squeeze almost without a break! Her smile never faded and her eyes never lost the glow throughout! Her care was that of my mother.” (Ramya)

“During the labor, her encouraging words and massage techniques all helped me stay focused and ‘ride the wave’ of each contraction. I truly believe it was because of her I was able to have a delivery that was free of pain medication.” (Karen Goldstein)

“She ran me a bath and sat quietly beside the tub as I slept between contractions, and she was ready and waiting to pour water over me when each contraction crested. Out of the tub, at some point, I remember that she took my hands, put her face close to mine and said firmly, ‘Open your eyes.  Look at me.  Don’t let the contractions swallow you up. Keep your eyes open and look at me.’ I remember that moment like it was a lifeline, locking eyes, re-centering myself.” (Alisa)

To read more doula testimonials and find a doula in your area, check out www.DoulaMatch.net, which allows you to search for doulas by zip code and due date.

Filed Under Birth, Blog Carnival, Dads, Featured Story, Postpartum, Pregnancy, Working with a doula Tagged With doula

Six Tips for Gentle but Effective Hospital Negotiations

August 15, 2011 By admin 11 Comments

By Jessica English, CD(DONA), LCCE

Is the hospital you’ve chosen totally supportive of the six Lamaze Healthy Birth Practices?  Once you educate yourself on the elements of a healthy birth, there may be times you need to advocate for yourself and your baby. Hopefully you’re able to choose a birthplace that largely supports your goals for birth, but if that’s not possible, here are some suggestions that might make negotiating easier.

1. Talk it out beforehand, and get it in writing. If something is particularly important to you, talk it over with your midwife or doctor at an office visit. For example, if you know it’s standard for women to get a routine IV in labor, explain your concerns to your provider ahead of time. If you can agree that you will not have a routine IV for a healthy, normal birth, ask your provider to write that in your chart and either put it in writing on a prescription pad, or sign your birth plan. That way, if your doctor or midwife isn’t in the building when you arrive in labor, you’ll have that piece of paper to back you up. Individual midwives or doctors usually have the power to override routine policies for their own patients.

2. You’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar. It’s great when moms and dads are passionate about healthy birth. Unfortunately, sometimes that passion can leave them feeling confrontational. You don’t need to start off with guns blazing. I suggest to my students that they are firm but very polite when working with the staff. Is continuous monitoring the policy at this hospital? You might say to the nurse, “Our midwife OK’d intermittent monitoring. We’d be so grateful if you could help us with that.” And if her answer is no, try again. “This is so important to us. I know it’s not the standard, but we really appreciate your understanding. We did OK it ahead of time.” Nurses, midwives and doctors are just people. A gentle approach is usually received much better than angry demands, and you’re more likely to get what you want. Be likeable.

3. Brainstorm. If you can get your nurse or provider working with you, they may start to take ownership of your ideas. Try asking for their help to brainstorm a problem. For example, a dad or other support person might say to the nurse between contractions, “We really want the baby to stay skin-to-skin after birth. Can you help us think about how that might work? Can some of the routine things be done while the baby is on her chest? What if we waited to weigh and measure him?” Or maybe continuous electronic monitoring is required because of a medical complication, and you’ve been asked to stay lying down in bed. Ask your nurse or provider to help you think through other options, such as laboring with continuous monitoring on the birth ball, on hands and knees or sitting upright. If they respond with reasons why something won’t work, you can always throw out a phrase like, “Let’s try together.” When people are part of the process they generally respond better than if you simply list your demands.

4. Bring a doula. An experienced doula has usually seen other families successfully negotiate in the hospital environment. She probably knows what’s possible and may have some techniques for helping you “get to yes.”  For example, hospitals in our area require 30-40 minutes of continuous monitoring when a woman first arrives, with intermittent monitoring as an option after that time. The mom is usually asked to lay on her side in the bed for this monitoring, which is hard for most women to do when they are in active labor. Sometimes the nurse will stay and hold the monitor device on her belly, so that she can still move with her contractions without losing the baby’s heart tones on the monitor. Once one of my doula clients had a nurse who was not willing or maybe not able to stay. The nurse kept insisting that the mom lay on her side, and the mom kept insisting that she couldn’t do that because it would make the contractions too intense. I asked if it might be possible for the dad to hold the device on her belly. The nurse happily agreed. She was able to leave and still get the monitoring she needed, the mom was able to continue standing and leaning with her contractions, and the dad was happy to help.

5. Don’t stop at the first “no.” If you’re asking for something outside routine hospital policy, the first answer you receive will probably be no. Expect that first no, and be pleasantly persistent, using all the techniques mentioned above. I know one woman whose nurse kept telling her there was no way she could have the special requests she’d made for her planned cesarean, such as having both her husband and her doula in the operating room and having her baby skin-to-skin on her chest while the doctor finished the surgery. The mother just kept nodding and smiling and saying, “I understand, but this is what I want. How can we make it happen?” Her negotiations were successful, and her doula and husband were both at her side when that beautiful baby was laid on her chest almost immediately after his cesarean birth. Had she accepted that first no, her birth experience would have been much different.

6. Remember, it’s your body, your birth and your baby. If it comes down to the line, remember that no one can force you to do anything or accept any intervention that you do not want. Shared decision making requires your consent. I remember my client who was pushing on hands and knees with a nurse, only to have a midwife come in at the last minute and tell her to turn over on her back. She asked why, and the midwife replied, “I don’t deliver babies this way.” Between strong pushes, the mom simply said, “No.” The midwife told her again to turn over, and again the woman said, “No.” The midwife successfully caught the baby while she stayed on her hands and knees. It was a beautiful birth! It can be intimidating to have professionals in scrubs and white coats telling you to do something, but if there is no clear safety reason for the request, it is always your right to say simply and clearly, “No.” After all, it is your body, your birth and your baby.

Jessica English, CD(DONA), LCCE, is the owner of Birth Kalamazoo, which offers birth and postpartum doula services, natural childbirth and breastfeeding classes, and in-home lactation consults. A DONA-certified birth doula and Lamaze-certified childbirth educator, she teaches an 8-week series of classes called “The Best of Natural Birth.” She is the editor of DONA International’s eDoula newsletter. A longtime writer and business woman, she also works as a consultant for organizations and birth professionals.

Filed Under All Recent Articles, Birth, Birth plans, Dads, Healthy Birth Practice, Hospital Birth, Working with a doula Tagged With birth plan, doula, Healthy Birth Practices, hospital birth, natural birth
« Older Posts