Start a public discussion on “natural” birth (vaginal birth without pain medication) and you’ll receive an avalanche of opinions and reactions that generally fall into two camps: “Give me an epidural — I’m no martyr!” or “My natural birth was amazing — I can’t imagine it any other way!” Don’t believe me? Scan the comment section in this article on Baby Center that discusses one mom’s aversion to natural birth. As emotions heighten and passions inflame, a respectful discussion turns into finger-pointing, mockery, defensiveness and ultimately, a misunderstanding and lack of respect for each others’ point of view.
After two uncomplicated births with an epidural, I longed for a birth without pain medication. For me, the desire for a “natural” birth came from how I felt after my first two births and wanting a different, healthier experience for myself and my baby. Lying on my back, numb from the waist down, pushing to the tune of nurses counting to 10 — I felt like a passive participant in my own birth, like I was racing a marathon from the sidelines. (Note: this is how I felt, not a projection of judgement on women who choose to birth with an epidural.) My choice to go without pain meds for my third birth wasn’t about being a martyr or a “hero” — it was an informed, conscious decision that I felt was best for me and my baby. In fact, prior to the birth, I told few people of my plans simply because it didn’t matter if they knew. And after the birth of my third baby without pain meds, yes, I felt proud and triumphant. But no, there were no badges, no parades, no flag-waving of any kind. I birthed my baby the way I wanted and life continued on.
So why does the controversy persist? Why does one group insist that women who birth “au naturel” are martyrs looking for a merit badge, and why do the others pass judgement on women who say, “Give me the drugs!”
When it all boils down, it’s not about my choice vs. your choice or right vs. wrong; it’s about informed choice. True informed choice goes beyond “My doctor says epidurals are safe.” It also goes beyond “My mom thinks I should birth naturally — that’s how she did it.” To be truly informed requires looking at and understanding the evidence surrounding choices in childbirth. It means finding a reputable source and a second opinion — your care provider and a quality childbirth education class, for example. Only then can women make the best decisions for themselves and their baby.
How did you make informed choices surrounding your birth? Were you judged for your decisions?
About Cara Terreri
Ask our resident obstetrical expert, Henci Goer, any question you have about conception, pregnancy, birth, and newborns. 
Merely being vaginal and without pain medication does not make a birth “natural,” IMO. My second child was a hospital VBAC. I had nurses holding me down on my back, telling me how to push (or not to push). The doctor broke my bag of waters without so much as a how-do-you-do, and yelled at me for manipulating/coercing him into “giving” me a VBAC he’d no intention of “allowing” in the first place due to my large babies and suspected gestational diabetes (well, excuse me for my unplanned preterm labour, if I’d known I was in labour rather than just having severe gastroenteritis, I wouldn’t be there, either!) I was not allowed to hold or even touch my baby, who was whisked away to another hospital that I was not allowed to transfer to. There was nothing remotely natural about that birth. My last two children were born at home, and I got to give birth in a position I chose, without “coaching,” without premature cord cutting, without being separated from my loved ones (including the new family members). Without being starved, without being “Pitted,” without being “checked for progress” on the hour, without being harangued. Without my baby being removed for “observation” and “routines.” Now that’s natural.
Sarah, your comments mirror so many I have heard. You had to first experience a hospital birth to understand why you might be better off somewhere else. Women who are giving birth need to feel safe. Many women today feel that a hospital birth is safe and the “normal” place for having babies. They think that their OB will be with them and that staff will follow their birth plan.
I believe this actually happens, occassionally. But it is NOT the usual experience of mothers today. Therefore many women leave the hospital angry and feeling cheated of something valuable. They wanted to be more in charge.
When they realize how completely at the mercy of the hospital and it’s policies they were, some women rebel. Those women educate themselves about childbirth and find that there is more than one way to give birth. Some of them choose midwives in the hospital, others find a birth center makes them feel safest. Still others, a tiny % actually, decide to have their babies safely at home.
None of these plans are foolproof. None of them works every single time. But for those women who succeed in a home birth the euphoria, the triumph, the power of birthing their babies without interventions or mechanical devices or drugs is spectacular. That is why they are so emphatic about trying to tell women whom they speak with about the beauty of home birth.
I am guilty of this myself, even though I had all of my own babies in hospital. It was being there, at home, while my daughter had her baby in our house, that turned me into a home birth advocate. And I truly am a believer. Once you have witnessed a home birth, you cannot unlearn the fact that it is so different and so pleasant.
But it is NOT for everybody. If you have deepseated fears about staying at home, if you don’t trust your midwives, or your body maybe you should go to the hospital. Even if you are having to argue every step of the way with your partner and family, perhaps you would be better off in the more medically driven system of hospitals or some birth centers.
The single most important thing needed for a good birth is a feeling of safety. If you don’t feel safe your labour and birth is liable to be affected. So decide what your top priorities are about birth. If you are frightened or doubtful that you would be safer at home, then homebirth is probably not for you.
It is important to have discussions about this because things come up that may help others who are sitting on the fence and don’t know which way to go. You can find out more about home birth and hospital birth on http://www.childbirthsolutions.com Thank you for posting this thoughtful article. I look forward to reading more comments.
This is why I consider myself a Realistic Birth Advocate. There is no one right way for every woman to give birth. Each mother needs to be able to choose her own path, guided and facilitated by caring professionals. Her childbirth educator, doula and her midwife or doctor all need to inform her appropriately so that she may make the best decision for herself.
Too often I here the animosity between the natural birth folks and those who are OK with an epi or a scheduled delivery. Everyone feels criticized and belittled for their choices. Why? Because when you are not confident in a choice you’ve made, you have to defend it to the ends of the earth. That often results in being critical of other’s choices.
I blogged about this topic recently… http://www.shininglightprenatal.com/2011/09/06/natural-childbirth-advocate-or-realistic-childbirth-advocate/
I have had 4 hospital births with epidurals, about to be 5 now, and I don’t think I would have it any other way! I didn’t feel like I was being coached or pushed around. I like the monitors, they tell me everyting is ok. Not being able to get out of bed is ok with me too. I get to rest up for the work I have ahead of me!
Yes yes yes! When I tell others about my “birthing plan,” I always say that ideally, I will labor and birth with as few medical interventions as necessary, including drugs. I want to avoid being immobile, and I want to be as active of a participant in the process as possible. That being said, I think it’s important to make the best choice for you and your baby at each step in the process. And that requires going into the birthing with knowledge about the costs and benefits of common interventions. My ultimate goal is to bring home a healthy baby and to not have regrets over what I did or did not do to bring him/her into the world.
My first child was born in December 2010. He was born very prematurely due to a preterm premature rupture of membranes. We knew he may be born alive, and if so, he would not survive long. It was then more important to me than ever to be as alert as I could possibly be so that I could be fully present for his short life. For that reason in particular, I rejected the offers of pain medication by the nurses. Although the grief cloud was hanging over our heads, his birth was a joyous moment. Feeling him move from my body to the outside world was just so surreal. That experience solidified my desire to go natural for all future births. I am due with baby #2 in February 2012, and I can’t wait!
I made my decision to have a natural birth after reading The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth. Honestly I can’t even remember what made me buy that book. I wasn’t even pregnant or planning on having children anytime soon. Of course planning your life rarely works out so I ended up needing that info much sooner than I anticipated! Maybe it stemmed from my distrust of a medical system based on profit, I don’t know. But man am I glad I found that book! That’s why the second I found out I was pregnant I called my local birth center, not my local OB/GYN.
Oh, and to answer the second part of the question — yes, I was judged. One person called me a murderer. What? Really? I felt like I had to defend myself my whole pregnancy. I tried to avoid it but everyone wants to know who your doctor is, what hospital you’re going too, etc. I was terrified my whole pregnancy that I would have to be transferred to a hospital and thus be viewed a naive failure. I have a friend who was transferred (no emergency, she just wasn’t progressing after a certain point) and she was asked “aren’t you so embarrassed?” It was difficult. Luckily my son’s birth was amazing so I had a happy ending and, honestly, I got to say, in a way, I told you so to all the nay-sayers in my life. In fact, the first thing I said immediately after he was born is “This is going to sound so stupid, but that was so easy!”